http://i51.tinypic.com/2ljtba8.jpg
There's the second draft. I'm still not happy with it. but It's a LOT of work to do it over again....
There's the second draft. I'm still not happy with it. but It's a LOT of work to do it over again....
Wowwwwww
Sorry
I dropped off the face of the blogosphere for a while there. I've been really busy.
I designed a rough draft for my tattoo today.
it's a compass rose and the words "here be dragons"
http://i54.tinypic.com/xm2xwz.jpg
Sorry
I dropped off the face of the blogosphere for a while there. I've been really busy.
I designed a rough draft for my tattoo today.
it's a compass rose and the words "here be dragons"
http://i54.tinypic.com/xm2xwz.jpg
I'm forgiving.
I've always been the better person.
I always work a little bit harder,
Push a little bit stronger.
I put in endless hours of effort.
But you.
You act like you're better than me.
You act like you're worth more than me.
Where the HELL do you get off.
You're not me.
You're nothing like me.
You can't control me.
I never back down without a fight.
And this time is NO different.
But I'm giving up on you.
Because you were never worth my time.
The endless hours and days and years that I put into our friendship.
I'm sorry, but the only thing left to say...
is goodbye.
I'm done with your overdramatic bullshit.
So fuck you.
Goodbye.
I've always been the better person.
I always work a little bit harder,
Push a little bit stronger.
I put in endless hours of effort.
But you.
You act like you're better than me.
You act like you're worth more than me.
Where the HELL do you get off.
You're not me.
You're nothing like me.
You can't control me.
I never back down without a fight.
And this time is NO different.
But I'm giving up on you.
Because you were never worth my time.
The endless hours and days and years that I put into our friendship.
I'm sorry, but the only thing left to say...
is goodbye.
I'm done with your overdramatic bullshit.
So fuck you.
Goodbye.
I'm young and scared
But at least I can pretend I know what I want.
I'm single,
Lonely,
But at least that means I can have who I want.
There's a sense of entitlement
Instant gratification. Yeah, That's me.
I like to get what I want when I get it.
But I can wait
I know how to be patient
Maybe I'm not like the youth of the generation.
I may be scared.
I have no clue what I want to do.
I maybe lonely and single,
But I'm waiting for the right person.
And even though people say
"You'll never get far as a writer"
I know I will
But at least I can pretend I know what I want.
I'm single,
Lonely,
But at least that means I can have who I want.
There's a sense of entitlement
Instant gratification. Yeah, That's me.
I like to get what I want when I get it.
But I can wait
I know how to be patient
Maybe I'm not like the youth of the generation.
I may be scared.
I have no clue what I want to do.
I maybe lonely and single,
But I'm waiting for the right person.
And even though people say
"You'll never get far as a writer"
I know I will
Some days I work so hard.
Others, I just want to give up.
Where did my will go?
Did I lose it,
Somewhere around the time
Everything went wrong?
Some scatterbrained wanderlust?
Or is it something more.
Some itch I need to scratch
Beneath this bleeding heart of mine.
I'm not missing you.
I'm not missing anybody.
I guess I've just decided to let go.
And I guess that's not the worst that could happen.
Others, I just want to give up.
Where did my will go?
Did I lose it,
Somewhere around the time
Everything went wrong?
Some scatterbrained wanderlust?
Or is it something more.
Some itch I need to scratch
Beneath this bleeding heart of mine.
I'm not missing you.
I'm not missing anybody.
I guess I've just decided to let go.
And I guess that's not the worst that could happen.
just a note to you who read.
I probably won't be around for another long spell.
I'm just....getting a really bad inadequacy complex. and....
yeah
I probably won't be around for another long spell.
I'm just....getting a really bad inadequacy complex. and....
yeah
It seems that when I'm alone,
All my flaws are laid out
raw,
twisted.
I feel like I'm inadequate,
imperfect.
A mistake.
All my flaws are laid out
raw,
twisted.
I feel like I'm inadequate,
imperfect.
A mistake.
SAD. It's an acronym
for
Seasonal
Affective
Disorder.
Which I think I suffer from.
I've thought this for a while.
Even my mom thinks it.
As soon as the weather turns shitty
I feel shitty.
Like now.
And I know. I'm a horrible person. I haven't blogged in forever
PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I'M SO SORRY.
Because...just
ugh.
I've felt shitty except on sunshine-y days
and today is not one,
so excuse me while I go wallow in shitty feelings
for
Seasonal
Affective
Disorder.
Which I think I suffer from.
I've thought this for a while.
Even my mom thinks it.
As soon as the weather turns shitty
I feel shitty.
Like now.
And I know. I'm a horrible person. I haven't blogged in forever
PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I'M SO SORRY.
Because...just
ugh.
I've felt shitty except on sunshine-y days
and today is not one,
so excuse me while I go wallow in shitty feelings
www.my-untitled-apology.tumblr.com
I'll be jumping back and forth between here and there. Different material too
I'll be jumping back and forth between here and there. Different material too
Obviously, you guys won’t ask questions. There’s been no response to my blogging at all lately. So I’ll ask myself twenty questions, and respond to them. If you want, feel free to ask me any more.
Let’s start with an easy one.
What’s your name and age?
I’m Alyssa Leigh, and I’m 18 years old.
Favourite thing to do?
Read, write, English classes.
What do you look like?
I’m 5’4” and a bit on the curvy side. Red hair, fading back into blonde. Blue eyes and glasses. I’m rather pale. My eyes and my lips are my best features, and I’ve been told I have a fantastic smile.
What are your fears?
I’m afraid of death, that’s a big one. I’m also afraid of falling in love….loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, and I’m pretty protective over my heart. I’m also a little afraid of the dark.
Do you have any bad habits?
I gnaw my nails down to the quick. I fidget with my rings, and I chew on pens to the point of destruction, so I buy cheap ones. I also chew on my lips a lot
Everyone has weaknesses, what are yours?
I’m all about helping people. I will try to help other people before I deal with my own problems. I bottle up a lot inside. I also have a bit of a temper, I get angry pretty quickly.
What makes you who you are?
My parents divorced when I was four years old. They’ve even thought of getting back together. My dad got married a few years after the divorce, but for my mom it took a lot longer. My step-mom is anal retentive, a neat freak, a perfectionist and emotionally abusive. My step-dad is generous, amazing and funny. They’re like polar opposites.
I’ve been depressed, I should probably be on anti-depressants, but I’ve been to psychologists, and none of them have even noticed the depression. I’m fantastic at masking my emotions. I actually overcame my depression on my own, with the help from a few friends. I’ve tried to be anorexic, but my friends helped me out of that one too.
I’m probably not emotionally stable…well at least not all the time, but whatever, it happens. I refuse to be a statistic, the kind of girl who goes and sleeps with a bunch of guys because my parents are divorced. I’m actually quite happy with my life. I’d probably be more screwed up if my parents had stayed together.
My dad and I don’t really get along. We don’t have anything in common aside from our love of music, so sometimes it’s tough going.
I’m extremely leery of romantic relationships, and I have problems with physical contact. My ex-boyfriend kind of fucked everything up for me in that regard. He hurt me pretty bad, and we were only together for a month.
I’m a normally happy person who has my bad days. I’m sunny, cheerful and optimistic except on my off days.
Sounds intense. So what about the ex-boyfriend?
I fell in love with him. But it was short-lived. He cheated on me, did drugs, all the rest. He turned out to be quite the ass. He broke up with me shortly after valentine’s day. We attempted to stay together secretly, but it didn’t work. I realized we weren’t right for each other. End of story. Well not really. He tried proposing to me. But yeah, he screwed around with my heart, so I have a hard time trusting guys. Now it’s harder for me to find a boy…
Moving back to light-hearted stuff, what do you write about?
Well, I write about werewolves, but I also try and involve real life stuff among it. I also write general teen fiction, trying to make it realistic. I always like a bit of a tortured protagonist. I never used to be that way though. My characters used to be absolutely impossible, and I swore I’d never write about rape or abuse. Turns out, the best plot points come from that kind of emotional trauma.
You write poetry on this blog. Is there any method to your madness?
I draw a lot of my stuff from my NON-EXISTANT love life. Seriously, I had a huuuge crush on this guy, and so much of the poetry is base of this. I draw inspiration from music as well. Also, just kind of my brain, I’ll think of something, and then go with it. That’s how a lot of these posts come around too. I normally write my poetry on the spot, or I blog things that I’ve written in my journals. Inspiration’s been a bit slow lately, so I’ve been just posting journal stuff.
What is your favourite everything?
Haha, picking a favourite is hard. I don’t have a favourite movie, though I am definitely a biiiig Star Wars fan. Who doesn’t like Princess Leia…I always wanted to be her. Favourite colour is electric blue. Favourite television shows are Glee, Heartland and Pretty Little Liars…. though I’m working on catching up on all of them right now. I don’t really have a favourite food. Maybe pizza or something.
Do you hate anything?
Annoying people. I don’t know. I’m not really much of a hater. I hate bad spelling and grammar. Drives me up the wall. I know I know, I talk and write in sentence fragments….but I’m a writer. I’m allowed.
In love?
Pft. Didn’t I already say my love life was non-existent. I’m waiting for the right guy to come around. I have faith he will.
What do you want to be when you’re grown up?
Haha, aren’t I already grown up? I’m legally an adult where I live. I want to be an author and an Editor for a publishing company. I’m cool like that.
How do you take your coffee?
Well that’s a random question. I drink venti no-room Americanos from Starbucks. Otherwise, it’s normal coffee and black like my soul.
What are you good at? Besides writing and reading?
I can work with HTML coding. I’m not by any means good enough to code an entire website (or this blog), but I’m good enough to help people out and fix little mistakes if need be. And help my friends out when they need it. I’m a pretty good cook when I feel motivated enough to cook. I’m also a super fast typer, so I get stuff done pretty quickly. I can also get a 2,000 word essay done in two nights….two long nights.
Well….it’s only 16, but I’ve run out of questions to ask myself. So just ask some of your own, and I’ll add on.
I've got your name under my skin,
you're the song in my heart,
If I could forget you I would,
But all roads lead back to you
you're the song in my heart,
If I could forget you I would,
But all roads lead back to you
You amaze me,
and you break me.
Some days it's so hard,
living with a memory
and you break me.
Some days it's so hard,
living with a memory
I dream in vivid colour,
wishing just once
that you would happen to me.
I'm standing here in this room,
you've shocked me,
like a shooting star,
flashing across my sky.
My nights may be dark,
but not with you
to light up my dreams.
you're like my bruised
and battered angel,
'cause we're not all perfect.
We just have to see past the
dirty faces,
the bruises,
the scars.
'Cause baby we've all got beauty inside
wishing just once
that you would happen to me.
I'm standing here in this room,
you've shocked me,
like a shooting star,
flashing across my sky.
My nights may be dark,
but not with you
to light up my dreams.
you're like my bruised
and battered angel,
'cause we're not all perfect.
We just have to see past the
dirty faces,
the bruises,
the scars.
'Cause baby we've all got beauty inside
It's not that simple,
'cause you bring
me the thunder,
the lightning
and the rain.
'cause you bring
me the thunder,
the lightning
and the rain.
Wrapped up in silk, satin, lace,
Baby, you're my only vice.
Black as sin and cold as ice,
There's nothing I'd be willing to sacrifice
If I'm giving up on all my life.
I used to think I'd never let go,
I lied.
I said good-bye.
You want me?
Come chase me, find me, get me.
Baby, you're my only vice.
Black as sin and cold as ice,
There's nothing I'd be willing to sacrifice
If I'm giving up on all my life.
I used to think I'd never let go,
I lied.
I said good-bye.
You want me?
Come chase me, find me, get me.
I need to learn how to breath,
to live, to function.
The blood needs to keep flowing
through my veins.
to live, to function.
The blood needs to keep flowing
through my veins.
You have to understand,
someone else is my drug.
I need someone who I can dance with in my living room,
A man I'll never second guess.
Our goodbye kiss better be fuelled by fire.
I want to take things slow,
Make things last.
I'm a flight risk,
Ready to turn and run.
You have to understand,
Someone else has my heart.
You won't be good enough in the end.
Sorry I have to let you know
someone else is my drug.
I need someone who I can dance with in my living room,
A man I'll never second guess.
Our goodbye kiss better be fuelled by fire.
I want to take things slow,
Make things last.
I'm a flight risk,
Ready to turn and run.
You have to understand,
Someone else has my heart.
You won't be good enough in the end.
Sorry I have to let you know
A broken heart is not a home.
Please, just leave me alone.
When sorry's not good enough,
You know you've lost your last chance.
I came pre-packaged,
with my baggage.
I don't trust, I just stand and fight.
I'm not going to lay my armour down
Just because you want me to.
I don't work like that,
I'm not your machine.
I won't come clean,
Stop your chase.
This is through
Please, just leave me alone.
When sorry's not good enough,
You know you've lost your last chance.
I came pre-packaged,
with my baggage.
I don't trust, I just stand and fight.
I'm not going to lay my armour down
Just because you want me to.
I don't work like that,
I'm not your machine.
I won't come clean,
Stop your chase.
This is through
Don't you want to stay?
Our good-bye kiss fuelled
by unspoken desire.
Can I just stay in your arms?
Just hold me,
Let's take this slow.
I want to be in love,
And I want to make us last
Tears are falling down my cheeks
Can't we fall asleep together
Our good-bye kiss fuelled
by unspoken desire.
Can I just stay in your arms?
Just hold me,
Let's take this slow.
I want to be in love,
And I want to make us last
Tears are falling down my cheeks
Can't we fall asleep together
What happened to me.
I used to be so involved,
So attached.
Now I'm in my own little world,
One of my best friends has been in a relationship and out of one,
before I even got to talk to her about it.
Is that the way it's supposed to be?
Suddenly you're in university and nothing really matters anymore?
I'm pulling away from my family,
the people I love the most.
I used to be able to psychoanalyze myself,
I can't even do that anymore.
I don't know what's wrong.
I see one or two friends from high school now.
I know I had more than that.
I feel so lonely,
But I don't know why I'm pulling away.
Tell me,
What happened to me?
I used to be so involved,
So attached.
Now I'm in my own little world,
One of my best friends has been in a relationship and out of one,
before I even got to talk to her about it.
Is that the way it's supposed to be?
Suddenly you're in university and nothing really matters anymore?
I'm pulling away from my family,
the people I love the most.
I used to be able to psychoanalyze myself,
I can't even do that anymore.
I don't know what's wrong.
I see one or two friends from high school now.
I know I had more than that.
I feel so lonely,
But I don't know why I'm pulling away.
Tell me,
What happened to me?
Flowers.
Red Roses. They mean I love you. Overrated
Teddies,
Puppies,
Kittens,
Sprawled across cheap cards.
Sold at the dollar store, packs of fifty
Perfect for children to distribute in their classrooms.
Jewellery stores mark-up of course
Valentine's day
The romantic holiday.
Perfect for buying necklaces,
Bracelets,
Diamonds,
Jewels,
A ring maybe?
To squeals of delight and lavish applause.
Yes or no?
A conversation.
Held with hearts.
Cheaply made candy,
Heart-shaped boxes.
Bulk containers of little red cinnamon hearts.
A little spice in the love life?
Fleeting glances.
Whispered apologies.
Strawberry milk and pink scrambled eggs.
Mother saying:
"I made these with love, that's why they're pink"
Precious cards,
scribbled with pencil crayon,
or maybe crayon
Hearts.
A deep sigh.
One glancing at the other,
Satisfied looks fleeting across faces.
A deep kiss.
Brushing her feet against his inner thighs.
Wrapped up in red,
pink,
or white sheets.
Sloppy grins.
Glass of wine in hand.
Red Roses. They mean I love you. Overrated
Teddies,
Puppies,
Kittens,
Sprawled across cheap cards.
Sold at the dollar store, packs of fifty
Perfect for children to distribute in their classrooms.
Jewellery stores mark-up of course
Valentine's day
The romantic holiday.
Perfect for buying necklaces,
Bracelets,
Diamonds,
Jewels,
A ring maybe?
To squeals of delight and lavish applause.
Yes or no?
A conversation.
Held with hearts.
Cheaply made candy,
Heart-shaped boxes.
Bulk containers of little red cinnamon hearts.
A little spice in the love life?
Fleeting glances.
Whispered apologies.
Strawberry milk and pink scrambled eggs.
Mother saying:
"I made these with love, that's why they're pink"
Precious cards,
scribbled with pencil crayon,
or maybe crayon
Hearts.
A deep sigh.
One glancing at the other,
Satisfied looks fleeting across faces.
A deep kiss.
Brushing her feet against his inner thighs.
Wrapped up in red,
pink,
or white sheets.
Sloppy grins.
Glass of wine in hand.
And so on it goes.
I'm sitting here, waiting for my knight in shining armour.
But I don't see that white horse coming.
I guess i'm not enough of a damsel in distress,
fighting my own battles,
simply being me.
It just feels like I'm going to die alone.
I mean I know i'm only 18.
But still, it's one of those feelings you know.
I'm sitting here, waiting for my knight in shining armour.
But I don't see that white horse coming.
I guess i'm not enough of a damsel in distress,
fighting my own battles,
simply being me.
It just feels like I'm going to die alone.
I mean I know i'm only 18.
But still, it's one of those feelings you know.
Starving,
thin,
wasting to the bone.
Bitten,
broken,
rotten to the core.
thin,
wasting to the bone.
Bitten,
broken,
rotten to the core.
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- Leigh
- I'm quiet, invisible, unattainable, beautiful. The sound of my voice is your melody, flowing through your veins. I'm every breath you breathe, I'm every step you take. I find beauty the broken. I believe in love, as scary as it is.
